Love Me Like You Do
by Palmwoods
Summary: I told him everything, I poured my heart out; baring myself to him. I shared my pain, he took it with him with every kiss he planted on each one of my scars. And when he'd done, he'd do it again until he took it all; my pain, my shame, my insecurities.


AN: Enjoy :)

* * *

I watched as James tucked our baby girl into her bed, she rolled over and hugged her pillow as soon as James put her down, he then covered her little body with blanket and kissed her forehead goodnight. He saw me watching from the door, he turned off the lamp on the night stand and walked toward me.

"Finally." He said as stretching out his body, his bones popped as if voicing their thank yous. "I'm getting too old for this."

I smiled and tip toed to kiss his cheek. "Don't we all?"

Jacellyn, our little girl was being very hyperactive today. Tomorrow's going to be her first day of school, and I knew she was nervous and also excited about it. She made James chased her down around the house, she was hiding in six different places before James reached his limit, and done his best daddy voice to send her to bed; even after that she still too pumped up. But finally after three bed stories and one hoarse voice, our angel was now off to la la land.

James looked down at the 6-months-old bump on my stomach, running his hand gently, "and it's going to be harder when this one comes out."

I pulled her gaze to meet mine, "we'll figure it out."

He smiled, "we will." Then leaned on to kiss me. "Well now that we're alone…" He let his voice trailed off when we broke the kiss.

I smirked catching up on his thought, "movie date?"

"Yeah movie date sounds good, it usually leads to a great sex." He winked.

I laughed and slapped his chest playfully, "I'll make popcorn."

"I'll start the movie." He kissed me one more time before went to our bedroom, and I went to the kitchen to make a microwave popcorn.

Couple of minutes later I was in his arms as we watched an old romantic comedy, I was running my hand on his chest when I caught something on my arm. The scars from my past. The only thing I hated about my body but at the same time made me proud. They were vague now but some still stood out, from the cut I made too deep, especially the ones in my wrists. My girl saw it once and she asked me of what happened to my arms. I told her it was nothing, I didn't mean to hide it from her, I was planning to tell her my story, she ought to know what kind of life I had, what battle I had faced, but not now, she was too young to understand. I didn't want to ruin her childhood with my dark past.

The thought of it brought me back to that time, the hardest phase of my life. Usually I'd lock the door right before the black smoke of sad memories could get to me, but this time I let it came, I let my mind wandered to that horrible life I had before I found James, or rather, he found me.

* * *

My parents died when I was 15, on a car wreck, that was actually supposed to end my life too. But by some miracle death decided to spare me for later, so I lived. But I wished I could'd just died with them that night. I was only 15 and I was already parent-less, homeless, and broke. My parents didn't have any siblings that could take care of me, my grandparents were all dead, the only thing my parents left me was a pile of debts I needed to pay. I sold the house, since I couldn't live in it anymore; at least that was what the child service told me, and they send me to foster home, along with a little possession I had left and money from the house, which was not much since I'd used most of it to pay my parents' debts.

I needed to stay in the foster home until I was 18, and could take care of myself. The three years span, I spent bouncing to one foster parents to one foster parents, nothing last long. I got schooled, but that was just as suck. I got bullied because either I was a new kid or a foster kid, sometimes both. That was when I started cutting.

I'd tried to kill myself too many times, but I always chickened out in the middle of it. So cutting was my way to release my pain and to feel it at the same time. I cut because I was stressed, I cut because that was the only way I knew to take my own shame and guilt out on myself. The pain was my only friend, the pain was the one that had always been there for me, the pain answered to me; the pain was addicting.

Nobody had noticed, not my foster parents, not the people at the foster home, not even the child service people who visited me once a month. I was good at hiding it. By the time I turned 18, and they released me and send me to the big cruel world, it only got worse.

I applied to college, because I knew if I want to change my life to the better I had to have a college degree, so I could get a decent job and earn decent money.

The first couple of months I lived under the student loan and scholarship. But I knew the money wouldn't last long, I should find a job to help me pay back the loan and pay my bill. So I took every job I could find; waitress, dog walker, babysitter, anything that delivered money.

I was lucky I got a cheap apartment rent, but even so the life kept getting harder, throwing its shit on my way. Everything got more and more expensive, it was hard to keep up.

That afternoon I was walking back to my apartment, my stomach couldn't stop crying in hunger. I skipped breakfast and lunch that day in order to cut my budget, and I only had ramen noddles last night. My head was spinning and the walk to my apartment took every energy I had left. I could make it into my door before I passed out.

I didn't know how long I was unconscious but when I awake I saw a guy looking down at me. I jumped up immediately; panic. I was in my living room—I knew that by a quick glance around. How the hell he got into my apartment? What did he do?

That guy stepped back raising his hand as if assure me that he meant no harm. I stood up trying to defense myself, in case he tried to do anything but that sudden move wasn't the best choice. He caught me before my face could kiss the floor, and helped me back to the couch.

"Are you okay? I think you should lay down for a moment."

"Who are you?" I snapped, having a good looking guy witnessed my break down twice sure ruining my mood, and he was really good looking, now that I paid attention to him. His short dark brown hair was in the casual "just out of bed" way that men worked hard at achieving but so rarely did, certainly not like him. His hazel eyes look at me with a deep worry, and his body oh God did that body carry me inside because if it did I'd be damned I was unconscious through it.

"I'm James." His voice brought me back to my stupid day dreaming about his delicious body. "I was on my way out when I saw you fainted in front of your door, I'm sorry I let myself in but I couldn't just leave you, and I don't mean to scare you."

"How long was I out?"

He checked on his watch, "about half an hour."

"Ugh." Groaning, I leaned back on the couch, covering my face with both hands.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, super." But of course my stomach picked that time to growled.

I brought my hands down to my stomach hoping he didn't hear that.

"You hungry?"

Great, I just kept embarrassing myself in front of this guy. I was about to say no, when my shitty stomach growled shamefully again.

"Yes." I squeaked.

"What you have here? I could cook you something." He was walking to the kitchen.

"You wouldn't find anything there I didn't—"I stopped in the middle of my sentence, he didn't need to know that I was broke and the only thing I'd left was only ramen noddles, I didn't need to embarrass myself any further. "I haven't had chance to grocery shopping." I said instead.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, "I'll order pizza. And you need to drink that." He nodded his head toward a glass of water on the table.

I drank the water as he made his call, grateful when the cold liquid running down my throat.

"You sure you're okay? You look pale." James sat down next to me when he hung up, and shoved his phone back to his pocket.

"I'm good, just hungry. Hadn't have chance to eat lunch."

"Busy day?"

I just shrugged.

"You know I still don't know your name."

"Oh sorry, I'm Rose and thank you for helping me today, I didn't know what would happen to me if you were not here."

He smiled, and boy I loved his smile. "Probably still passed out in the hallway."

I returned his smile in a shame.

"And don't mind it, I was just at right time and the right place." He continued.

"Are you living in this building too?"

"No, I was just visiting a friend. I live in the apartment two blocks from here." He explained.

"Oh."

"What's your major?" He asked eyeing my backpack that was laying on the floor close to his feet, he must had had tossed it there when he carried me inside.

"Guess what."

"Well, Judging by the books on your backpack, I would say pre-law?"

"You rummaged through my backpack?"

"Well, I had some times to kill when waiting for you to wake up."

I rolled my eyes, "still it's not polite."

"Why? You hide something in there? I thought I saw a box of condom stuffed inside."

I punched his arm, "there is no such thing."

He rubbed his arm, but laughing.

"I just don't like someone go through my personal stuff."

"Okay I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a creep." He put on his sorry face.

"Nah it's fine, you took care of me when I was unconscious, I didn't mind you snooping a little."

He grinned, "really? Then next time I'll be snooping on your bedroom."

I smacked him again, "there'll be no next time, silly!"

"We'll see." He winked.

That wink woke something inside my stomach, but this time it had nothing to do with hunger.

"What do you study?" I said, trying to get my mind off of his captivating smile.

"Business, my dad wants me to be a business man like he is."

"Ah, what about you? Do you want to be a business man?"

He leaned back, thinking. "I don't know. I guess so, I just never really thought about what I want to be. I have a lack of passion in life."

I laughed, "you'll find your passion."

"How would I know when I find my passion?"

"Well, your heart would call for it. You would pursue it, obsessed with it, it just becomes your life."

"What about you? Have you found your passion? Is that why you take pre-law?"

"I guess so, I took law because I want to be a lawyer, I heard they get paid good bucks"

He frowned, "you just want the money?"

"Isn't that what all of us want? Money, money and money?"

I knew he could taste the bitterness in my words, he was about to say something when the bell rang. The pizza was here, and I had never been really grateful for an interruption before. I wasn't ready to tell him about my miserable life.

We talked again as we eat, and we talked some more until late at night. We were oblivious about our surroundings when we were together, I was never this comfortable with a new person before, and that scared me and excite me in a strange way.

He promised to come back again tomorrow to check on me, and he did, for weeks. Sometimes he would bring food and we'd eat in my apartment, and sometimes we'd eat outside.

One of those nights after we finished our dinner, we were laying back on my couch watching a movie, there was a moment of silence, he took my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. I didn't object, I loved how our hands fit together, I loved the feel of his skin against mine. Slowly with his other hand he turned my face to him, his eyes locked mine, we spoke without a word. And even slower he laid down to me, eyes still on me, we didn't close our eyes until our lips met. That kiss was tender, sweet, we were not in hurry, we had the whole time in the world to explore each other, to taste each other.

That night I realized that this stranger just became my whole life.

* * *

I moved in with James a year later. We were ready to take our relationship to the "living together" level. Being with him made my life more bearable, I stopped seeing it as a constant torture anymore. He knew my struggle, he knew my story, he had seen my scars, and yet he still accepted me and my rotten soul.

He saw it the first time we had sex. You would thought the lust would get in the way and made him forgot about what he saw, but he was just too care about me to ignore it.

"What the hell is this?" His eyes wide in shock as he pulled my arms closer. "Rose what the hell did you do?"

"It's nothing, James. Come on." I tried to kiss him but he pulled away.

"No I'm not doing this until you tell me why you did this?"

"Why? So you can judge me?" I could tell he's pissed, and I was pissed too. I was half naked, breathless, and hot by his kisses, we were supposed to fuck but me and my stupid scars ruined the moment. This was not how I wanted to look like when I was being confronted.

"What? I would never judge you. I just wanna know what happened to you. Baby look at me." He lifted my face to look at him, I could feel tears burning in my eyes ready to fall, I hated this, I hated my scars, they made me feel weak.

James softened his voice when he saw me about to cry. "Rose, love. What happened to you, you know you can tell me everything right?"

"You'll just leave me if I told you James, you wont want me anymore." I croaked, a tear fell down to my cheek, followed by others.

He pulled me into his embrace, and I cried against his chest. Here we were in his bed, half naked, so close to have our first sex, but I ended up crying in his arms. He didn't say anything, he just held me and let me cry. Just when my cry turned to sob he started speaking.

"Remember the first time we met, we talked about passion?" He didn't let me answer, I wasn't sure I could answer either, but he knew I was listening. "That time you said I would find my passion, and when I did, my heart would call for it, that it would become my whole life?

"You were right, Rose. I did find my passion, it has became my whole life." He stopped, I could felt him smiling, "well not really it; she. She has became my whole life." He pulled me up and made me look at him, " _you_ have became my whole life. You are my passion. That time I found you passed out in front of your door was the best day of my life. My heart called for you, I'm craving for you."

The way he said that, the way he looked at me just made me cry even more.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I'm not only talking about the face, it's not only skin deep, you have a heart of gold. Everyday Rose, everyday you make me fall in love with you. I love you more today than yesterday, and I will love you even more tomorrow. And if you think this—" he ran his fingers along my scars, his lips frowned, his eyes full of sorrow, as if he felt my pain, "if you think this is going to make me stop loving you, then you're insulting me in so many way."

"James…I don't mean—" I tried to speak, but he stopped me.

"There is nothing in this world that will stop me from loving you, not even death, not even this, not even your darkest secret."

And I burst into tears again. I didn't deserve this, I didn't deserve him. How could a man still love me so much after he found out about this. About how damaged I was inside. He was supposed to be running out the door now, or since we were in his apartment; kicking me out. He was supposed to hate me. _I hate me_.

"Please tell me, share your pain with me, because I can't live with myself knowing that you're hurt and I do nothing to help, to ease your pain. Rose please don't torture me like this."

And I told him everything, I poured my heart out; baring myself to him. I shared my pain, he took it with him with every kiss he planted on each one of my scars. And when he'd done, he'd do it again until he took it all; my pain, my shame, my insecurities. We didn't have sex that night, we made love, it was the most intimate I had ever been with a guy. He helped me to love myself. He promised I wouldn't have to cut again, he promised when life's being hard on me he'd be there to take away the pain. Pain didn't have to be my only friend anymore. I had him, and I certainly would choose him over the pain.

* * *

"They're beautiful. The reminder of how strong you are. The proof that even life's as hard as a rock you still can kick it in the groin."

James' voice brought me back to the now, I hadn't notice that he had been watching me the whole time. That word he said, he used to to say that everyday since he discovered about my addiction, he'd say that while kissing my scars. He would constantly reminding me that I was beautiful, I was worth it, that I shouldn't be ashamed of my scars, that if anything those scars were the things that made me, me. He hadn't say that out loud for a long time, but didn't mean he stopped reminding me. Sometimes, he just need to speak to me through his eyes, or his touch. It would mean just as much as spoken words.

It was eight years ago, but tonight, the love that was burning in his eyes as he took my arms and kissed on my scars, was the same love that was burning in his eyes when he did that the very first time, not even slightly less, it was even more.

And I cried again, how could I be so lucky to have this incredible man as my husband. I must'd had done something noble in my previous life, that God rewarded me with him.

James saw me crying, he wiped the tears out of my cheek.

"What's wrong, love?" He frowned again, there was sorrow in his eyes and I hated that I was the reason it was there.

"It's nothing, I'm just so grateful that I have you. All of this years, you've been my rock, the only sturdy thing I leaned on. You never left me once, not even when I freaked out when I found out I had Jacellyn, you assure me everything's going to be fine, and you made it fine for me James. You made it great, and I never thanked you enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." I purged out words, as tears streaming down my cheeks.

James shut me with a kiss, a long hard passionate kiss, he didn't even care about my tears.

When he pulled out we both grasping for air, but his forehead remained on mine, I could feel his warm breath on my face as he spoke.

"I love you Rose. I love you more today than yesterday, and I will love you even more tomorrow."

I kissed him now, reflexing my emotion; my love, on the kiss. I needed to touch him, feel him, assuring myself that this wasn't a dream. That he was here with me, giving me his love and taking my love in return. That night we made love again as we did eight years ago.

Today for the first time, I thanked God for saving me from that accident, I thanked my cowardice on suicide. Because if either of that worked out. I wouldn't be here right now, in the arms of the love my live, sharing a wonderful life, having an amazing six year old daughter, and in await for our second child (a boy, we've checked).

If you ever feel life being unfair to you, hang on there, it's just working its way up to you. Don't give up, lean on to the people you love, and who love you. Life gets better, make sure you're there to see it.


End file.
